blesothia

Why tell me to be somewhere and not show up? Way to go. =/

There was a food fight in the cafeteria today. Thankfully, it wasn't anything like the ones you see on TV, or I'd probably be in jail right now, haha. ^^;;;
Honestly, just what the hell is wrong with kids these days? Are they thinking AT ALL? Who the hell throws food? YOU EAT FOOD, NOT THROW IT. Damn!

Eh, still waiting for some kind of notice from MCA. I think it will take a month, according to the letter I got. Geez, I hope I get in. If I don't, I'm screwed. I'll probably end up going to some community college or UofM. I'm not exactly ready to jump into pure academics again. Maybe I can look at some online colleges. It's not like I don't already spend half my life online anyways.

Went to the doctors, and it doesn't look like I'm diabetic. *breaths sigh of relief* I was really hoping I am not, because that'd mean that I would have to get on the same stuff as my dad. And I really don't need to be on that x__x Speaking of him, he drives like a nut. Speeding sometimes, making the wackiest turns because "it's necessary," etc, etc. I am getting really tired of the "You don't got no experience, so shut up and be a passenger" argument he likes to use whenever I point out that some of the things he does make no sense. Excuse me for giving a shit about my safety.

The Seniors' Prom is this weekend. I will be so glad when it's all over, because then I won't have to hear about what everyone is going to do on prom night. Instead, I'll get to hear about everything so-and-so did on prom night. Oh, the joy. Why can't I take my exams now and gtfo before I shoot something? Ugh.

Being semi-sick made me extremely lethargic this week.

So I'm on an art kick at the moment. I have the urge to draw. It may be small, but it is there. I must embrace this and let it flow! even if it means skipping out on homework >.>;

Because lately, I have been beating myself up over my apparent "failure" syndrome. =/

*DRAWS*

Can't remember if I mentioned it, but I'm on the tennis team at school. Yes! I've been wanting to do this for ages, and now I finally have made it happen. Today I won my first doubles match. Of course I had a partner (who I couldn't have done it without). The score was eight games to one. Cool. :3

I got a laptop, so yay! It's an Inspiron 15 from Dell. I haven't had it very long (maybe a week), so I'm still getting used to some things, but I think I can manage.

Also, I must have the coming-soon Nintendo DSi. It has cameras. Need I say more? Not to mention, there will be new games and it comes in an electric blue color. It's beautiful. Oh, it helps that I'm sort of a Nintendo collector. xD

So, I'm attempting to get onto my school's tennis team. Considering how many returning players there are, I don't think I'll be able to actually get on, unless it turns out I'm really good.

Which I'm probably not.

I was supposed to go to the courts this weekend, but I have no new information aside from the fact that the courts my group was supposed to go to are closed for a tournament. Bah! I didn't get anyone's information from the other group either, so I guess I might be outta luck. I dunno. I'll have to call.

Anywho, the past week has been strangely exciting. The conditioning we went through was tough for me, being someone who only occasionally exercised. If I don't make the team, I hope I am still able to come to practices. There's not another sport I want to play, and my parents won't give a shit about tennis if I'm not going to be on a team. =/
If only I could drive! I need to be practicing or something. I'm getting really frustrated now. >.<

I've been painting recently. Yay! It's been a while since I picked up a brush and actually painted something. I did a painting that was sort of anti-Vday. I like it lots, and so did a lot of other people. That got me thinking about doing prints of my paintings. If I could actually sell them, that'd be great! 'Cause then I wouldn't have to worry about using up all my canvases (has only one left). I'd try and do it through DevArt, but I'm not sure. Much research is required before I can seriously start considering this.

I've been meaning to get in here and post for a while. I don't even know where to start really. Maybe if I categorize things, that'll help.

^__^


SCHOOL
Classwork

Let's see. We've got this student teacher who apparently enjoys assigning homework left and right. Now, I do have some memory problems, but for the most part I am able to keep up with stuff (provided I write it down, think about it a lot, or get it done before I leave school). Maybe it's me, but she'll drop several homework assignments on you in one hour, and she rarely writes them down. I can understand she's trying to prepare folks for college, but honestly! You've got a classroom full of lazy ass seniors who'd forget their feet if they weren't attached, and not many of them do homework to begin with. I'm not saying she needs to not give homework, I'm saying she needs to stop teaching us like she's teaching college students. College is near, but it ain't here. Yet. *dies*
Due to a lot of during-school activities, I've missed quite a bit of class, and a few tests. I think I have 3 to make up now. I know I've gotta hurry up and do my Calculus tests, because without them, I'll have an F for sure. Me no want F. And for my Economics test, it's a matter of getting there early enough to do so. There's no way I'm going to take two tests in one hour. Not with the way I study. Dx

Other
I got a scholarship through the Scholastic Art Contest to go the local art college. I've been horrendously against attending any school in Memphis, mainly because it's Memphis and I've about had it with the place. However, I must let logic control me this once. It's $12k a year. The tuition, if I stay on campus, is over $30k a year. I'm trying to figure out how that works. How can it cost more to go to MCA than AIN, and AIN is in Nashville! Geez college is expensive. Rather damn discouraging too. I refuse to be in debt to a school. I don't want to live that way, having to pay back ass-loads of money 'cause I had to get a loan. I might be looking at some online college for real.
Yesterday we did Grammy in the Schools, which was OK. Since it's mainly about music, there wasn't really a whole lot of talk going on that appealed to me. Although, I did thoroughly enjoy the second workshop where I designed a CD cover. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to upload it or not, but if I can, I certainly will. Heh. They fed us too. I guess you could say that. It was a tiny sandwich, a bag of chips, and the weirdest cola I've ever had. It was from Red Bull. I can't figure out what made that cola taste SO different from what I'm used to. Maybe it was the lemon/lime flavor. I might perhaps get more someday. At first I was like, WTF IS THIS, LOL! but then I got used to it and liked it. xD
We had some performers for the GITS (LOL...like Ghost in the Shell), Al Kapone and the Bar-Kays. I can't remember the names of the people that were talking. Wait, no. I remember Kat Sage and Wendy Moten. But not the dudes' names xD I probably couldn't spell them any way.

ART

I started pixelling for a new site, Piitown. It's really cool there. And, when it comes to making items for the avatars there, I can chuck 'em out. I wish I could do that on Cry. I actually had to take some time off there so I could practice the style of pixelling used there so my shit could look good. xD
I seriously need to get going. I already made a few pieces using a tutorial that was provided to me, but my stuff still looks wack. Gaaah Dx
I also tried to do a new style of CG, something softer. I'll upload it one day when I remember. Speaking of uploading and remembering, I forgot I'm supposed to upload some pix from Xmas for my granpans. *dies* It's been quite a while, and I lost the email address...I gotta make a call, then. xD
Ah...yeah. That's it for here. >.>;

PERSONAL
I've been just totally dying lately. Perhaps emotionally as well as physcially. Ok, not DYING. But you know. On the physcial side, I won't get too specific. Suffice it to say that acne is pissing me the fuck off. Seriously. Emotionally, school drains me of whatever energy I have. I only really feel like myself on the weekends. And those never last very long. I remember something, also. I used to be really into art. Painting and all, you know. But when I'm at school I have next to no motivation. Something inside me has died, and I must resurrect it. I have to. I can't go on wanting to make beautiful paintings, but not actually painting. I really am so tired of school! It's killing me. Dx

Hrm. I thought I had more to say. Oh well. I'm sure I do; I'm just forgetting something. That is so like me. Too bad, I guess. I can always make another post if I remember something, LOL.

..to get out of school! But we already knew that, huh?

I'm really starting to wonder what EXACTLY college is like. I don't think reading about it will help, because I'll have to have the experience. But of course I don't. It's one of the things you have to just jump into (which is not exactly something I am fond of, depending on the situation). Hopefully, I won't be lost and confused. I space out easily. >.>;;

I got update on my ban, though it doesn't make any sense at all. Apparently I used some item or another from Solia or TF, and that somehow equaled my banning. To be honest, the email really wasn't that clear. I should think if I'd done something that warranted an immediate ban, I ought to at least know what the bloody hell I've done! I really don't feel good about this. I've racked my poor brain over and over again, trying to think of some way that they could actually have thought I took anything from the site and "used" it. I've got some Solian avatars of mine on my photobucket, but I haven't done anything with them. And I didn't see anywhere that it was against the rules to have saved images from Solia in one's photobucket. I haven't even done anything outside of Solia with them, so that raises even more confusion. =/ I hope this can be resolved, with me getting my accounts back. I've donated too much money to that site only to be banned for no reason, or on someone's whim. And geez, if I do get my accounts back, I hope they won't have been raped for all their items and gold, because that would be unfair. And to be honest, I wouldn't feel like sticking around too long when I don't have shit. It's not like I'll donate again, if that happens. >.<;

I had wanted to not go to school on Monday, but I don't have a choice. I have a test. DARN IT. Oh well. I guess it was for the best. I should probably look over the sheet once or twice, just to make sure I can remember the info. I hardly ever study for tests in that class xD

It's so HOT right now. We got a new heating thing and boy, it makes this place feel like summertime! No fun Dx

I also made an account on iKnow. I like it there so far. ^_____^

SoliaOnline banned me.

Yep. An honest, donating member. Without any warnings or anything. Totally out of the blue. Needless to say, I now feel even shittier than I did when I woke up.

Thanks for ruining my day a little bit more. I mean, if I'm going to be miserable, why not be miserable all the way?

Tomorrow I get to go back to school! Oh, the joy!

....


=/

I am already dreading weekly projects from my economics teacher (out with US Gov and in with US Economics..yay!). At least, I've heard he gives weekly projects. I am not a fan of any sort of project, even if it's in art. That's mainly because I'm one hell of a lazy bastard, and I like to take my time doing things. You'd think I'd learned some time management by now! Hopefully whatever he gives us won't be the death of me, because I'm pretty sure I'll be failing one class this year.

Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. See, it's Calculus. I still can't figure out why exactly I signed up for it. I know I failed that exam (even though I didn't check my grade yet). All the studying in the world wouldn't have helped me. If there's one thing I can't study, it's math. It makes me go nuts! Sure, if it were memorizing something, that's cool. But this is more complex than that. Hm, I'll probably have a low grade for the class too, seeing how I didn't turn in any work for a few weeks. That equals a good 4-7+ assignments not turned in. I have them...somewhere. Just never got around to turning them in. Not to mention some of them aren't even finished. Dx
I don't need the credit to graduate, but I don't think I can drop out of the class. Honestly, it just isn't very healthy for me to stay attempting to wrap my feeble-mind around the concepts he teaches. The other students love it! I can see it in their faces. They get all excited when they understand something super-complicated. But what do I do? The moment I start not comprehending, boredom and tiredness settle in, and a wave of day-dreaming and sleepiness prevails. I will never be a model student, the one who always goes home and does their homework, and studies a bajillion hours a week. I did not come from a factory, and there is not a sign on my forehead that reads "generic." I was not born with the ability to become incredibly effective when a situation like this arises. You know, I'm wondering if it's possible for me to get into some other class (perhaps study hall?) for 3rd period. Or, maybe I could take 2-hour photo! Maybe. I don't know if the guidance folks like me enough for that. But perhaps they shall understand that I can't take much more Calculus? They'll probably all tell me I just need to "pay more attention" and "study more." I am not capable of it! I have tried! Dx It will not work.

Anywho, I've been doing a little bit of pixelling, and a whole lot of drawing! Go to my DeviantArt if you don't believe me. Aaand, I got my first troll comment on DA! Huzzah xD
I re-made my site, new layout and all! Haven't decided if I really want to include photos on the site though. I only have pics of my dog and my wonderland backyard. And some scary punk/emo/gothic/wtfever pics of myself. I swear, they are freaky xD

I went shopping over the holidays (who doesn't?) and got some kawaii little notebooks and things (I seem to be obsessed with all things "kawaii" currently). I'm going to use one to write down assignments in. At least they'll be recorded, eh? I also got some new jeans, which I needed, because most of my favorite pairs are irreplaceably (sp?) holey. I got a new coat, even though it'll be warm soon (so! I'll just wear it when the AC is too cold!).

I have been looking for a place to get hosted at, because I hate being a burden and because I want maro-maro.net. But I think it's already taken. Doesn't matter anyhow, because the places I looked at require you prepay, and I can't really afford to do that. I suppose the miracle of myself being hired will have to happen first. Which is definitely not likely to happen in such a volatile economy now. I honestly hope that by this time next year I'm not living in a Hooverville. =/

I turn 18 next week. Yay. My mom asked me what I wanted to do, and I said absolutely nothing! Which is exactly what I want! There isn't anything I really want to do. No hanging out, no eating out, no shopping, no nothing. I would simply like it to be treated like any other day. Besides, the only thing that could be done that I would positively adore is having my name legally changed. And that ain't gonna happen.

I wanna play Viva Pinata. I thought it was whack at first, but after playing a demo version, I found it quite entertaining! xD

Yeah, I know it's not November yet, but I had a totally awesome idea for a story! And, it's NOT about Princess Ifvele and both Senirevlow and King Rogang's ridiculous obsessions over her.

It's still got Rirbeirtoire in it, so yeah. ^^

I'll post what I wrote for the plot eventually! I think I might at least make 25k words this time around.

I hope so.

Now..if only I'd stop procrastinating when it came to studying. @_@

It's been a while since I came on here =O

Well, school's started back. Needless to say, it sucks.
We have metal detectors practically every day now, and when I am searched I feel like a juvie. This hardly feels like school.

I don't want to waste time talking about that, though. >.<
I am putting together a photo website, to house...my photos! I FINALLY got a camera, a decent one too, in my opinion. It's a Canon PowerShot A590, with I think about 8 MP and 4x zoom. I've taken some cool pics with it so far. And..I can turn off flash! I swear, flash can mean the difference between a good photograph and a hideous one @_@

I am also enrolled in a photography class, so I can learn more about the technical side. In addition to that, I'm working on a site (the photo site) for my twelve-weeks project in digital art class, so that's fun.

The only class I take this year that actually makes me think is Calculus. And I like that, so classes really aren't so bad.
More later. I'm HUNGRY >.>;

Click.

Seriously, Russia?

It's almost time for school again. Hooray. I expect this year to be the worst.

I have an actual reason to expect that, too.

Each year, the rate at which I am able to curse myself into bad situations increases. I can now efficiently tell when I won't get something I want, mainly because I keep expecting things like that to happen.

So the obvious solution is to stop expecting bad things will happen. I heard that on TV, from that really famous church guy. What was his name? *thinks* Oh yes. Joel Osteen. I actually listened to what he was saying, despite the fact that I don't think pastors/ministers have anything important to say. I found that what he was saying made some sense. I might actually have engaged in a few of his "mental projects," i.e. - stop expecting bad things and start expecting good things, and those good things will come. And even if nothing good happens, I should just move on.

If I was like the millions of people that follow him, I guess I would like that advice. Thankfully, I'm not.

I didn't really buy what he was saying, after a while. I guess it just sounded loony to me. Then I realized, I'm loony.

I'm not certain if I'll have enough mental strength to pull myself through this year, so I am preparing to do a lot of writing/typing. I think it's my recent lack of doing either that has caused me to become so irritable.

Is it wrong to be very opinionated, and express your opinions every time you feel you need to? I don't think so, but apparently my parents don't think so. I'm tired of being told to communicate, only to be told to shut up and "listen when adults speak" every time I offer my 2 cents. So tired, in fact, that I no longer give a damn what they say. I don't need to tell them things about me that I wouldn't tell the guy down the street. I'd rather write it in my private book. Or make up some fantastical story that mirrored how I felt, and try to imagine how my protagonist would solve her problems.

Eh. Well, I hope this post doesn't sound "emo," whatever that really is. I've been told that I really come off as a depressed person, which is strange, because I was trying to sound apathetic. xD

Apparently I have worse communication skills with people outside of home than I previously thought. One friend keeps telling me that sometimes I have to fake being happy. You know, "suck it up." I don't buy that. If I don't feel happy, I'm not going to pretend like I am. Besides, I am incapable of adding just the right touch of "happiness" to my voice. I can't fake it, even if I want to. So, I guess there are going to be a lot of people this year that think I'm really "emo." Whatever. Less people I have to deal with.

And for the heck of it....*rolls*

xD

Well, the past few days I've been having migraines. Every day. It's becoming quite bothersome. I either have to find some way to keep myself immensely occupied or sleep during the day. Now, I've always been in favor of sleeping during the day, because I'm much more active at night. However, that's obviously not a very practical solution. Another option was to load up on aspirin everyday, but that only works if I'm going to sleep or eat right after. I don't want to overeat or be addicted to aspirin, so yeah.

Bothersome.

I had more to post here..but I kind of don't feel like it right now. My head is starting to hurt and my cheeks burn. So yay. =/

I'm doing a lousy job updating this thing xD

Eheh..I always forget about this thing >.<

Well, I am finally out of school (for this year). I'm going to focus on improving my illustrations, my coloring style, my pixelling, and my...tool-shading. Duhn duhn duhn. I alwasy thought I'd never tool-shade, but I really want to be good for TF.

I don't want to let an opportunity go to waste because of stupid misconceptions.

On other notes, work is the same as usual. I broke my bottle and dropped some things. And I'm always slipping. >.>

I'm going to try to motivate myself this summer, moreso than usual, because this summer I'll need to be checking out colleges. I have my eye on a few, but if the 'rents don't stop being crazy, I'll probably end up somewhere..in city.

>.<

No.

I don't want to be in the city. At all. I don't even wanna be near it. I'd at first looked at Parsons (it's new, it's famous, and it's in NY). But no, they'll never send me that faraway.
Their reasons are that they can't afford to have me up there, and that it's too far away and I won't know where anything is/how to get around. The only place I would know how to get around is indeed, Memphis. I have never lived anywhere else, not for a long enough time, to know my way around a place. Duhr. So, even if I just went to Nashville, I still wouldn't know anything >.>

Still not sure I really want to go to college. I understand I need it if I want people to take me seriously and if I want to be truly prosperous. However, I just can't see myself in it. I can't see myself doing it. Why, I even dream sometimes that it might be just an adult version of highschool. Mainly because sex, drinking, and drugs could be amplified. I doubt it would be lessened.

Huh. My dreams are getting crazier, and that kind of worries me. It usually means something, but what it means I have not a clue.

Oh well.

I found three dollars in my yard yesterday, after a heavy storm. They were all dirty and whatnot, but I didn't care.

I'm a hobie ^^

I picked 'em up and stuffed into my purse. Heh.

Well now, I've got this week and the next left in school. Once I'm out, I'll let off some steam. Steam I can't let off at school, because I would end up in jail if I did O.o

Oh yeah. I'm still being "emo" with myself. Or whatever kids these days call "being depressed and mopey about life." Maybe my existentialism is getting worse? I dunno. I'm confused right now. Severely.

*makes her a cake and eats it*

I found a new alias for myself. I'm going to use it in a Harry Potter fanfiction. Whenever I get around to writing it.

I have my AP Exams tomorrow. I'd be mad that they were on the same day if I had another AP class (say, English) instead of art. I will basically be a packaging girl tomorrow xD

I really feel like I might fail my AP US History exam. Mainly because my brain refuses to remember anything past the names and most dates of all these events. It wouldn't feel so bad if I didn't know my teacher totally thinks I'll pass.

If I pass, yay. If I fail..boo. Big boo. That will be like..not good.

I only have a couple weeks left. Thank goodness. I can't wait to get the hell out of that school. Really. I'm really not much of a people-person, and all those people are starting to destroy my person.

I'm actually starting to act "myself" instead of putting a happy, cheery little dweeb costume everyday. I wonder how that will play out.

I am still feeling the same way about my life. Same old boring thing day in and day out. Even my job is starting to feel routine. I hate all this "routine" business. I'm not saying I want no structure whatsoever, but this life of mine just feels so generic! Ugh!

I can't stand to type anymore on this. Even though I just started, heh.

I got my first paycheck today! *rolls*

And I also have a headache *doom*

Anywho, I've done some sketches of characters from a couple of my short stories. Of course though, I STILL can't find the cord to the scanner, so I can't properly update (these won't look good if I take a pic with the crappy cam). And looking at the prices of cords in general ($40?!), I might not be getting one for a while XD

I found some great items on bestbuy and walmart, as well. I've been searching for a wireless router so that we could get a) wireless internet and b) so I could get a Wi-Fi connection for my DS. Videogames = <33 Also, I found a really great deal on an all-in-one printer at walmart. A Lexmark brand for $27.88! We needs that so I can finally scan again!

Hm..*racks brain* That's all I can think of for now =D

..because I'm signing up for three AP courses for next school year o.o;

This year, I'm only in two AP classes, but one of them is art and so it feels pretty easy. Plus I'm pretty much done with my portfolio for that class. I get to improve upon it now. ^^
Next year, I plan to take AP psychology, AP English, and AP Calculus. I'm not too worried about the psych or calc, but English is always annoying. There's usually some weird summer assignment we have to do XD
Anywho, I had wanted to "take it easy" next year, but if I want to keep my GPA up, I'll have to take these classes. Which makes me wonder. Is it really worth my sanity to try and keep my GPA and class rank up by taking so many AP classes? I'm about to lose it as it is, and only one AP class is slamming me with work. That would be US History. I like history, but something about the way the book presents it makes me like it less. Ah well.
What should I do? I want to do well, and I can, regardless of what classes I take. It's just I don't want to be average. I've always had an irrational fear of being just like everyone else. Some things I do that practically everyone does, but when it comes to academics, I crave being the best (or one of the best). I'm not even happy with where I am now. If I didn't have such a stupid drive, I'd just sign up for Honors Calculus, and take the rest of the classes necessary to graduate, so not to stress myself out. Because stressing myself out makes me hair fall out o.o; And I really don't need that.

Ugh. I suppose I'll sleep on that.

On other news, I'm now experimenting with oil paint! I've been painting in acrylic/watercolor all year, and now I'm ready for a change. Right now I'm doing a landscape. I'm hoping it'll come out alright so I can take my ugly portrait out of my portfolio and put in the landscape. I hate portraits.
I'm working on dream * land, but I still can't get anything scanned in. T_T It's really time for us to just buy a new scanner. I'm also looking for a cheap laptop so I don't have to rely on the PC all the time. I found this site, newegg.com, that has cute laptops for $300. I'm not sure if they'd be practical enough for me, but I'm going to keep them on file.

I also got taken on by two sites, TornFaun and Keora. I'm not allowed to give out the link to Keora. Anywho, they are both sites like Gaia Online, except they don't feature porn threads and bumpers. Or dumbasses who can't spell or t4lk l1k3 th1s. @_@ I'm working as a pixel artist on both. It's nice, I finally get to make stuff for a purpose other than just being looked at. ^__^ I hope that what I'm doing now will help prepare me for what I want to do after I get out of highschool/college and help me get the right job/career. And hopefully the economy will be stable by then, but I doubt it will be.

Oh well.

Oh yeah, it snowed! Like, three inches! I need to take a piccy, since it's so pretty. But I hope Fancy's alright, they won't let him in the house where it's loads warmer. *huggles him*

Not really XD I'm just bogged down with completing scholarship info and trying to get into some sort of summer program/getting a job. And also studying for various exams and whatnot.

I feel like a Mario ^^

Also, first post on IJ. Yay =D